Friday, April 04
PART I
How does one know if he/she likes someone? How does one differentiate between whether they like someone or like someone a lot? How does one know that it's not just infatuation?
Take these facts for instance:--I'm a few hours away from giving an exam, but all I can think of, even though I'm physically reading my notes is, "Do I still like her?" I suddenly remember an old conversation and now wonder, "What if I had replied in another way back then?"
Let's consider a romantic, madly in love, passionate yet practical married couple who are parents of two. How do they keep the flame going? To reach that stage in life, isn't it a fact that they liked/loved each other continuously over the years?
......(oops! Sorry, had to delete some lines here as they weren't publish worthy, but they were important and hence the apology)....
Okay, let's move on. See, now I think I'm ready to get over it, but there's this whole new set of thoughts that has entered my mind since I began on this untrodden path of closure. This....mixed up Dilemma is what they've put me in. But sadly, its not just about a difficult choice. Its about something more intense and nerve-racking.
Remember, when I queried, "..its not just infatuation?" Picture this, You've taken that infatuation & gone to level 3, where level 3 sees that crush turn into an obsession. Take this to level 5, where it becomes a habit; cue level 7 & the habit has entered the subconscious. If you managed to picture that then you've made it to where I am now.
EXCEPT that, level 7 now has to deal with having to get rid of all previous levels!
This has led me to mix those seemingly subconscious thoughts with 'what if..' type questions. Answers to which are never gonna see the light of day. Thus leading to more muddled thoughts that are difficult to construe!
So, the only +ve thoughts I can rely on are those that strengthen my hope. Hope that at the end of it all, everything will be 'Fine'
But I must say its really extremely disheartening to have to get over the first one. More so, if you're just like everyone with regards to this position, i.e. those who always thought that he/she would end up with his/her first one, for life & wouldn't have to go through Levels 1 to 7 for someone again.
do wait for PART II.....
P.S.: I have a strong gut feeling that you all are saying, "We've been there Joe!"
As for me, I can only smile after reading it. Why? Cause, its another valuable lesson learnt. You know, That which doesn't break you, only makes you stronger.
Love &
God bless.
