Unity in Diversity??

I had to stop reading a Valentino Rossi interview for this!

Like a cancer we eat into each other. That's how it is in ma familia. When we're away from each other, there seems to be peace & understanding between the four of us. But when we're under one roof, somehow or the other, all hell breaks loose. Is it us or is it the house? Maybe its cursed, who knows!
Here's a brief 'emotional status' description of ma familia:
Member A: Lonely, Rejected, Failure, Frustrated
Member B: Can't forget the past, Whiney, Needs just the faintest spark to combust
Both A & B have distinct abilities to mess with the heads. A messes with C & D's heads while B messes with A's head.
Member C:Has coped well with the whole situation & has made a successul person of himself albeit at a slight personal physical loss. Good then, that Member C has Member F for companionship, love and the emotional let-out.
Member D: The opposite extreme of C. The worst person. At par with A.
Infact A + D = Angry Mount. Vesuvius.
D work with A??..Whoah!! You gotta be kiddin me!

But at this point in their lives D has what it takes to change all this. Huh! Who am I kiddin? Not 'all of this' but atleast enough to make life a lil' easier. Unfortunately, D is just wasting his life away. Making it more of a mess than it already is.
Member D often has 'What the hell was I thinking?' moments & will continue to have them unless concrete steps are taken.

But even then, the four of them can't stay in the same Ring. At times its like a 'barb-wired steel-cage' match; while at other times its of the 'over-the-top-rope' kind.
I'm glad its just 4 members, else it would be 1/6th of a Royal Rumble!

You may be wondering what happened to Member E. Fortunately, for its own good, Member E never got to see the light of day. Literally. Boy am I glad for that. But yeah, I do regret not knowing if it was a boy or girl. Not to forget the obvious joys a third sibling could have brought. But then better his/her happiness at our cost.

At home, the malignant disease has yet to find a cure. It seems to me that there's just two solutions: (a)Everyone or someone changes for the better OR
(b)Unofficial separation from each other of any form.

After all the introspection, I've been able to identify one root cause. It is the Intense Anger within each one. Bottled up daily in small increments. Then, set ablaze like a flaming bottle of alcohol and hurled at the enemy.
Sad, ain't it? Having to term members of a familia as enemies? But don't get me wrong. Deep down, we do love each other. Trust me, that's what we realise when we are away........

State Of Disarray II

Friday, 02nd May

Part II

"Too many shadows in my room. So much to do than sit my heart around. Its taking so long. I could be wrong, I could be right. I am in repair."-- John Mayer

Yes, I am in a state of dismemberment. People I should respect are those I feel detached from.
A punching bag. That's what I've been treating my family like for the past few years. My family!My limbs, my breath of life! All I ever did was blow my head off at them. Like a supercharged engine that is fed an intoxicatingly large amount of laughing gas(N2O). Unfortunately, its constitution is too weak to hold in such a fierce combustion any longer. And it blows up sending the car into a tizzy & along with its driver, anyone else that happens to come in its violent path is furiously injured.
What have I done?!! I have controlled my temper and been sweet to strangers who disrespected me. Strangers like the shopkeeper who never fails to cheat me, the pedestrian who lacks road sense, the landlord who extorts.
The 2 people who gave me life & all I've ever done is hurt them.
Topping this is the worst part. The fact that I've not been selfish. I've been worried about others so long, that suppressing myself has become second nature to me. So what if you have to say something that hurts. If its the truth, it must be said. No point trying to be the chocolate bar to everyone. In most cases you will find yourself getting devoured by those monstrous teeth for their selfish pleasures.(Seems like I've unknowingly made myself my own punching bag too!)

The doormat is what I've been. I guess that's the only reason why I've hurt those who only deserved forgiveness and love from me. Sure, there are biological reasons to prove why I don't get along with my father; but its still not reason enough for me to hate interacting with him. He is after all, my Dad!. Hes only human.(You're no angel yourself Joe.)
Well, its time to wake up and smell the coffee. All you people who have treated me as the office stapler. UR GONNA GET UR ASSES STAPLED!
There's a fine line between being 'Merciful' and being 'Just'. Never before has that line been more prominent to me. No more Mr. Nice Guy! Be myself is what I'm gonna be, coz self-respect gets you respect.

Its definitely not easy. Shaking off a habit is one of the toughest things to do. You could end up getting rid of some good habits and forming new negative ones! But its not like I fear a challenge.

"Feign I shall not. Not to you, not to him and definitely not to myself."

P.S.: A big 'Thank You' to AB. I look up to you, but never did I realise that you look up to me too.